I think my vagina is haunted
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
