i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
