bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
