I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
