im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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