Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
