somebody snuck up and got me drunk
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
