The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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