My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
