In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
