Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
