Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
