the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
