her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
