I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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