Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
