Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
