it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
