i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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