So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
