gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
