not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
