just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
