when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
