So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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