Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
