Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
