i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
