Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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