Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
