I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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