I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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