It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
