And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
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