goodnight i made you a song goodbye
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
