I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
