the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
