Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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