just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
They have beer where we have blood.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
