I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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