your room smells of hookers.
And success
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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