Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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