Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
