Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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