I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
