What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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