The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
