Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
