I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
