billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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